Thursday, July 16, 2009

RassleResults: EWE Ripley, TN 7.11.09

There are about 60 fans in the crowd for tonight's EWE action.
Stan Lee def. Rockin' Randy and Tommy Redneck via pinfall.

J.R. Manson comes to the ring with the mic, and says that there's something that he's going to say that everyone thinks they know, but they really don't. Ike Tucker comes to the ring shaking his hea. As Ike gets in the ring, Manson says that Tucker can't be here, that he took Tucker out and sent him home. Tucker leads the crowd into "Momma Said Knock You Out" as Manson starts to rock back and fourth in the corner. In the middle of the match, Manson tried to use a chain but the referee catches it before it strikes Tucker. As the referee is getting rid of the chain, Ike Tucker sends J.R. Manson to the mat to score the pinfall.

Premiere Brutality comes to the ring to inform everyone that Genocide will not be here this week, but they found replacements for this week to show everyone what they will do to Genocide in two weeks when they will go head to head in a stretcher match. Genocides music hits, but Chad and Brad Badd come down the ramp impersonating Maxx Corbin and The Albino Rhino. The Badd Guys make fun of the tag team, making an attempt to hop over the top rope and Brads head wrapped up. Eric Wayne tells the concession stand to hide the food as Chad Badd goes to ask for a hot dog and a diet coke. Everyone gathers in the ring as dramatic theatrical music begins to play. Eric Wayne and Kid Nikels begin their assault on Chad and Brad Badd, but in extreme slow motion. After a few more time warped hits to The Badd Buys, Premiere Brutality score the pinfall. Christian Jacobs races to the ring with a steel chair, forcing all 4 men to the arena floor. Commissioner Baker makes his way out and asks if Jacobs wants a match with one of The Badd Guys. Jacobs says that Premiere Brutality thinks it's all funny, putting people in the hospital and putting Chris O'Neal out for a year. Jacobs says he swears to God that every one of them will pay. He dares one of The Badd Guys to get in the ring, the looks at Commissioner Baker and says they're making fun of Genocide, and that he wants them both. Baker makes the match official as The Badd Guys, Premiere Brutality and Christian Jacobs make their way to the back.

As Christian Jacobs begins to gain control of his match between The Badd Guys, Premiere Brutality come and interfere with the match, assaulting Jacobs in the middle of the ring. As Eric Wayne was about to put a bat to Christian Jacobs' head, Jon Michael comes to his aid and sends Premiere Brutality to the arena floor and The Badd Guys to the locker room. Commissioner Baker comes out and asks Jon Michael to ask Jacobs if he feels like pulling some double time tonight. Jacobs gets pumped up by Michael and Commissioner Baker makes the match between Christian Jacobs and Jon Michael against Premiere Brutality.

The match started immediately and got off to a fast paced start. In the middle of
the match, J.R. Manson comes to the arena floor with a sign that says "They know who you are." Jon Michael will score the pinfall against Eric Wayne giving him and Christian Jacobs the victory over Premiere Brutality. A few more punches are exchanged after the match is over. J.R. Manson is still at ringside with his sign, but Jon Michael takes the sign and tears it up in the ring.

Stan Lee and Dustin "Five" Starr make their way to the ring for their game of strip
poker. Starr grabs the mic and welcomes everyone to the first ever episode of Five Starr Stud. He says that Lee can challenge Starr to anything because Lee can't beat him in a wrestling match. Both men sit down at the table as EWE Owner Mark Tipton explains the rules of Five Card Draw. He explains that the loser of each hand will be forced to take off one article of clothing. He also explains that if Stan Lee wins the match, he will be awarded a match against Dustin Starr for the EWE Heavyweight Championship. The first hand is dealt, and Starr wins with 3 of a kind. Lee takes off his shoes and socks and sits back at the table. The second hand is dealt, and once again, Starr wins with a straight. Lee stands up and takes off his shirt. The third hand is dealt, and Starr wins yet again with a full house. Lee stands back up and takes off his jeans, forcing him down to his boxers. The fourth hand is dealt and Dustin Starr is laughing almost uncontrollably. Lee shows two pair, then Starr grabs the mic and says that in true Five Starr fashion, lays down 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Fives. Mark Tipton and Stan Lee look at Starr, asking how there could possibly be five fives in the deck. Lee throws the table over, then brings Starr to the ground and untucks his shirt. Starr had an entire deck of cards hidden inside his shirt. Lee starts bashing Starr, forcing him to the arena floor. The referee dealer gives Lee the win via disqualification. Lee grabs the mic and says thats what happens to cheaters, and that Starr will have to defend the title against him in two weeks because his 30 days are up, and he gets his rematch.

In two weeks, there will be two major matches, with Premiere Brutality facing Genocide in a stretcher match, and Dustin "Five" Starr will defend his EWE Heavyweight Championship against Stan Lee.

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Credit: Dustin Williams

----The bi-weekly thing is killing this town...I love the idea of Jon Michael and Christian Jacobs tagging again as "Picture Picture"???...That Poker match sounded like horseshit. Something you would see on a bad wrestling TV show. I am going to heat for this one, but booking has not been good here since TGB, DK and Flash left.